Jul. 27 at 3:51 PM
Thanks to a device I attached to the grill of my SUV, which was invented by my Uncle Bubba, who happens to be 1 of the smartest people I know & also has a PHD in janitorial services, I'm now able to, while driving, paste stickers on the back of cars driven by idiots. So if u find yourself being pulled from your car & being tasered in NJ, check yer bumper for stickers like ''I HATE ALL COPS, DEFUND THE POLICE, or perhaps, NJ STATE TROOPERS ARE ALL CORRUPT & SLEEP WITH GOATS. So let's use our turn signal & cross into...
THE MIDDAY STOCK MARKET REVIEW
( The stay in yer lane, Lois Edition )
$NGEN Haven't seen THIS epic a battle over 3 cents since my last visit to Finklestein's Bagel Shop.
$LKNCY I've seen trees grow faster.
$MAIN It's akin to strippers paying me to accept a lap dance.
$EFC Incoming monthly divy stops me from running tolls on the parkway.
$ARDX My latest research suggest they are close to creating either the 1st ever bionic turtle or a guppie with legs.
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