Jan. 12 at 7:02 AM
$AMC Before attending a movie at an AMC theater earlier tonight, I stopped at my favorite watering hole and drank 17 strong mixed drinks. Then I drove me and my date, a young lady who is a highly regarded professional streetwalker from Samoa who recently tested positive for AIDS, to the movie. She was really enjoying the 1st 10 minutes of the movie until I quickly began soiling myself. All of those gin and tonics quickly formed a pool of liquor on our seats. She forced me to drop her off at a truckers parking lot and I headed straight to my AA meeting, soggy trousers and all.